Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
