I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
