its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
