let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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