So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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