I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dick very happy bro
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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