I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
