You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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