K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
