who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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