Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
