remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
