you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Houston, we have a blender
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
