Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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