one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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