I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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