He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
