i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
