I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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