apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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