He told me they were just razor bumps!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
