I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
