You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
