By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
