Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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