it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
