Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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