It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
