I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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