Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
