brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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