I accidentally burped into my bong.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
