im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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