I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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