I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That's when you crack a 10am beer
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
should my penis look like a turkey
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Boobs are out for the taking
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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