Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
