How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
