I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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