well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
