do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
