saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
