Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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