When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
FUCK WHALES
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