Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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