why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
