It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if only i could text you this smell
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
