What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
