Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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