I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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