Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
