im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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