how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
