She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Send us your Text From Last Night!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Can Purell be used as lube?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
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