just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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