when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
