my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize