Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
