you guys were way drunker than both of me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize