Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
