I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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