i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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