I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
a search helicopter?!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
