I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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