WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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