I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
