Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
