our cab driver is having phone sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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