i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize