I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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