I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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