i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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