does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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