she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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