Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So vagazzling was a success
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
