fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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