i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A bitchslap is in order.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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