So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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